you can run.

Subject:	lesson learned.
Time:	1:50 am.

haters are your biggest fans.

keep hating.

don't care.

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

Subject:	story of my life: this is why i love cartel.
Time:	1:48 am.

It was just a few years in the making now.
The two were locked in a heated dispute,
'Cause he was gone when she needed him more.
Then she could really ever let on to.

They were the poster perfect high school sweethearts,
But moving out can erase the time
The two had spent it on working it out and
Everybody knew that they were out of their minds.

Oh, you know you really need to settle down
And let it go.
You know you really need to settle down
You really need to let it go.

Consider this, he was moving on while
She was busy trying to pass the time
Between the previous and next nervous breakdown.
The girl had given up the love of her life.
And all the time that she was givin' up slowly
he didn't notice when she ran away
and when it came to finally letting him on
well this is every single word she'd say...

Oh, you know you really need to settle down
And let it go.
You know you really need to settle down
You really need to let it go.
For good, forget his lies -
The only way to save your life.
'Cause this is restitution
For the love you've thrown away.

Just say you left me like you could.
Although you said you never would.
Just say it's done, and be gone.

Just say you left me like you could.
Although you said you never would.
Just say it's done, and be gone.
Just say it's done, and be gone.

Let it go!
You know you really need to settle down
Let it go!
You know you really need to settle down
You really need to let it go.
For good, forget his lies,
The only way to save your life.
'Cause this is restitution
For the love you've thrown away.

You know you really need to settle down
You know you really need to settle down
You really need to let it go.

Wednesday, September 6th, 2006

Subject:	lame lame lame.
Time:	12:00 am.

i am so sick

pluss i am now 19

and had the worst birthday ever

no cake

no people i love

and no presents

Sunday, May 28th, 2006

Subject:	she breaks for the summer.
Time:	11:50 pm.
Mood:	super duper happy.

this summer.
is going to be amazing.
things i am excited for.
Wal-Mart shopping sprees.
the pool.
lots of slurpees.
a cute little baby to hang out with.
painting my nails.
noodles at the pool.
tanning.
body world.
camping.
six flags.(on thursday)
denver road trips.
girl nights.
cute texted messages.
growing up.
photobooth pictures.
ocean journey.
taco bell.
holding hands.
nfg dvd.
mate'.
GAME NIGHT.
dance parties.
more hoe it up cd's
lots of mail from emily.
gossiping.

this i have loved about this summer so far.
preparing for college.
shawnte'.
snuggling with my bff.
dunkin dounts.
watching parental control with my mom.
the format.
underwater camaras.
large sums of money.
flowers.
sunburns.
mid-night express.
star gazing at 12:30 at night.
new/clean carpet naps.
mean girls.
winning breathe holding contest.
jumpy castles.
sleeping in.

~~things i am not looking forward to.~~
emily leaving.
working.
packing for college.
growing apart.

Monday, May 8th, 2006

Subject:	i am meredith.
Time:	11:48 pm.
Mood:	whatever..

McDreamy: Its unforgivable.

Meredith: I don’t remember ever asking you to forgive me.

McDreamy: So its an idiot phase? Who’s next Alex cause I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common.

Meredith: You don’t get to call me a whore. When I met you I thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys and the bars and the obvious daddy issues. Who cares because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologizes for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don’t get to call me a whore.

(minus the daddy issues and the bars this is too true)

this is what i missed last night.

Friday, April 28th, 2006

Subject:	those brown eyes and love at first sight. (haha)
Time:	8:26 pm.
Mood:	bff.

this is how close i was to kanye west last night. ((gives me hope boys can still make me happy)) just not any that i know.

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

Subject:	i am all grown up.
Time:	2:14 am.
Mood:	crappy.

i guess its so true. somethings never change. all ups must come down. i've been here one too many times. i hate it when people see me made weak but the same person over and over. i love my bff. she makes me feel better when my world stops once again. i miss them. i miss feeling wanted. the worst feelling in the entire world id being picked apart by someone who is close to perfect in your eyes. i am tired. i am ready to leave this town. get away from the cycle. i am never good enough. i am never smart enough. never pretty enough. never fun enough. never nicer enough. never clean enough. i need to work on that. so much. i am so scared. i hate this. i need to get away. i need to be brave. i need to be happpy. i need my sister.

Monday, April 10th, 2006

Subject:	dang dood.
Time:	7:35 pm.
Mood:	giddy.

i am so excited for this summer....spring is like a preview for it. i am excited to take lots of naps. hopefully many mini roadtrips. dance parties are a must. lots of girl nights. ice cream. singing really loud with my huge glasses and my window rolled down! dang this summer is going to be tight.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2006

Subject:	this fever spring brings scares me. your my fever. kid.
Time:	11:30 pm.
Mood:	cold but happy.

maybe its silly. i know that i am a silly girl. you know this after 18 years of people thinking you are 4 years younger than you are. maybe i am just 14 at heart. i am scared of what new places bring. i lost you to spring too many times before. but i feel like we can make it through this season. i feel it when a "sorry" fills thoses covers with laughing. when you kiss me on the cheek or the forehead. when you fix my hair with your fingers. when you tell me things over and over and i know you hate it. they way it doesn't seem so far to drive anymore. when i wake up and see six missed calls from you. they say oppisites attract. tru dat. i love it. tonight was so fun. and i will see you tomorrow. i promise.

dang that bearded boy is mine.

how lucky is that?

i'll be sleeping on my island of sheets surrounded by an ocean of clothes. i know you will be too.

Thursday, January 19th, 2006

Subject:	someone go get my best friend and bring her home.
Time:	2:58 pm.

PLEASE!! SOMEONE. my best friend is coming to the train station in denver. but there will be no one there to pick her up because my grandma passed away and i have to go to her viewing. if you know ebony. please go get her. i am so worried about her. and i can't go please please someone. go pick her up. at the train station in Denver.

Monday, January 16th, 2006

(4,Broken Hearts | Fell In Love)

Time:	8:25 am.
Mood:	empty.

my grandma betty.
passed away last night in her sleep.
the one that lives with my dad.
the one that tells me i am so messy.

gosh,

this week just keeps getting worse.

and worse.

Saturday, January 14th, 2006

(4,Broken Hearts | Fell In Love)

Subject:	when i was 15 things were perfect. will they ever feel that good again?
Time:	1:08 am.
Mood:	nerdy.

so tonight. was all about girl talk. big sister talks. you can partially adopt me.

tonight i saw what damage a boy can do to a girl. what crushes are all about. and for the first time i saw it second hand. saying you are so mad at him and then answering when he calls because you force yourself not to me mad at him. stupid feelings. you don't call him back. and think you are the smart one. and then when you finally think you can handle it and pick UP your phone he won't even answer. thats me.
i do this.
and its sad.
i've been doing this for 2 years too long.
i'm not in the mood for this anymore.
i've been held down for too long by someone who thinks you can never be happy.
well i've been happy before.
i was happy for a year.
one whole year.
i was little.
then.
and now its too far to go back and be me and you happy.
i know there are such things.
i shouldn't be something you are ashamed of.
say you aren't i dare you.
how many people in your house, no ...of your friends know you come and see me?

i don't want to be her anymore.
i want to be happy.
i want someone to hold my hand.
someone who will talk to me in public.
someone who will come in through the front door.
apparently thats too much to ask for.

maybe i just need to be alone.
for a while.
get back to me.

it gets harder everyday.

i'm sorry.
but i think i deserve better.
is that so wrong.

if i have learned anything this week, its that life is short and i've wasted so much time being a secret.
being your secret.
cause you were never mine.
is that fair.

Sunday, November 20th, 2005

Subject:	oh adam. do i love you.
Time:	2:17 pm.
Mood:	accomplished.

Can you see me...Floating above your head. As you lay in bed Thinking about everything That you did not do Cause saying I love you...Has nothing to do with meaning it

And I don't trust you Cause every time you're here Your intentions are unclear I spend every hour waiting for a phone call... That I know will never come I used to think you were the one Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all...

You ain't ever coming back to me That's not how things were supposed to be You take my hand just to give it back No other lover has ever done that Do you remember?? The way we used to melt..Do you remember how it felt When I touched you Oh cause I remember very well
And how long has it been Since someone you let in Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep Do you dream I would be there Just for a minute or two do you?

You ain't ever coming back to me That's not how things were supposed to be You take my hand just to give it back No other lover has ever done that Heartache heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do
I called to let you know I'm through with you..

Monday, September 5th, 2005

(9,Broken Hearts | Fell In Love)

Subject:	best birthday present ever.
Time:	3:13 pm.
Mood:	ecstatic.

okay well aside from the camara my parents bought me and the first season of luguna beach and ALL the amazing stuff jeska made and bought me. Finding out the boy i am IN LOVE WITH... likes me is the best thing ever, thanks brendon and jamie. i so excited for tomorrow. let the macking begin. hahaha

at least he doesn't wear make-up right?

Saturday, September 3rd, 2005

Subject:	181818181818181818181818181818181818181818181818
Time:	5:08 pm.
Mood:	scrared to grow up and old.

in one day i will be an adult. thats scary. too scaryyy. i'm scaring myself thinking about it.ha.

Monday, August 22nd, 2005

Subject:	oh sweet sweet september... catch me ...i'm slipping right out of august
Time:	2:45 pm.
Mood:	giddy.

It's going straight to my head:
I think I'm falling in love again.
Such simple miracles have happened
since your steady hands have come and
stopped my unraveling.

Your fingers, built for the piano,
work out the knots that line my back.
The stress I've stored since last December;
now, it doesn't matter.
I've learned to leave it in my past.
And I feel good about the future,

and this clarity I've never had.
You are the bounce in my step,
the burst of blood in my chest,
the prayer I've kept in my head.

You are the knock of my knees,
the swollen sound of each song
I scribble down and tear up,
because they never match up.
You are the words I fumble for.

In the morning, you are the daybreak,
and I am glad.
At night, you are the dream
I fall asleep to have...

Friday, August 19th, 2005

Subject:	Mark Your Mother Fuckin' Calendars. Yes, That Means You.
Time:	3:08 pm.
Mood:	excited.

okay well i just wanted to let EVERYONE know that my birthday is SEPTEMBER 4th and i am so excited. Yes, i will be 18 though i look like i am 10. And I also act like i am 9. (i blame the braces) i am super excited. fdfgjhdmn...

i want to do something fun. but i don't have any good ideas. i only have 16 days. (if i counted right)

ahhhhhh.

Wednesday, August 17th, 2005

Subject:	schoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschool
Time:	11:12 am.
Mood:	energetic.

well today i met a boy named thursday. and we absolutly fell in love. we are going on a date tomorrow and i can't wait.

Tuesday, August 9th, 2005

(8,Broken Hearts | Fell In Love)

Subject:	love me love me say that you love me
Time:	7:54 pm.
Mood:	excited.

love is the irresistible desire to be irressistably desired
there is always some madness in love. But there is also always reason in madness.
kiss me and you will see the stars; love me and i will give them to you
i wasn't kissing her i was wispering in her mouth
once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love give us a fariy tale
love is being stupid together
we can never forget those who make us blush

keep looking and you will find what your looking for. i found it. she comes home tonight. i love you baby

Wednesday, July 27th, 2005